Why Stress Isn’t the Problem (And What to Do Instead)

The bad kind of stress and how your wearable might be misleading you.

Photo by Nick Jio on Unsplash

I was speaking about to a girlfriend recently about her stress. She got so damn frustrated with her stress-, sleep-, and movement-tracking Oura Ring (we both have one, we feel like Power Rangers), that she chucked it in a drawer and sacked the whole thing off.

“The damn thing was telling me I was getting ill!” She complained.

“I was really stressed out about work, and then this? Thanks, mate. That’s another thing I’ve got to be anxious about.”

Did she get ill? Nope, just another flaw in the ring’s design.

But then we started talking about stress, and it was clear that her definition, as someone who doesn’t do this for a living, and mine, someone who does, are wildly different.

The definition of stress

Photo by nikko macaspac on Unsplash

I’m stressed, she’s stressed, you’re stressed, everybody’s fucking stressed and that’s that. This is the way the world works now.

But what’s your definition of ‘stress’? Having another task added to your plate? Getting an emergency bill from the garage? Trying to fit too many things into one very inflexible 24-hour day?

If your definition is along those lines, you’re not wrong—these things are stressful, frustrating, and overwhelming.

But what about those days you wake up, feel great, and your watch tells you you’re stressed? Or getting ill, like my friend’s notification from her Oura ring?

Or the times you practice yoga and notice your device telling you it was stressful?

Or when you go for a run?

Or even just go for a walk?

Stressed? Didn’t feel it…

If there’s not actually anything to be stressed about, if you don’t feel ill, the damn thing’s wrong. Take it off, chuck it in a drawer, the whole thing’s a lie.

It’s because there are two different types of stress: eustress and distress

The problem isn’t that stress exists — it’s that we think all stress is bad.

But stress is actually a broad category. There’s eustress, the helpful kind that challenges us and helps us grow — think movement, public speaking, cold showers, or meeting a deadline that stretches you in a good way. It spikes your nervous system but you recover, and often feel better for it.

Then there’s distress, the overwhelming, chronic, or draining kind. It comes from pushing past your limits without rest. It’s burnout. It’s being woken four times in the night and then forcing yourself into a HIIT class at 6am. It’s the kind of stress that accumulates, with no chance for your system to reset.

The tricky part is that your body doesn’t always know the difference in the moment. Your nervous system reads both types as input: heart rate up, breath shorter, energy focused. So even if you feel mentally calm, your wearable might show signs of stress after something as simple as a strong yoga class.

It’s not like: “Oh this is just a jog, we’re fine!” vs “Oh no, an email from your boss, panic!” It just responds. Same nervous system. Same chemical cocktail. Whether you’re running from a bear, speaking on stage, or muscling through emails after a bad night’s sleep — your body’s job is to react first and ask questions later.

And when your body’s done its job you need to help it recover. That’s what we’re so often skipping.

Stress isn’t bad… unless it’s all the time

So, the answer really is to never go for a run again (I genuinely think this. I tried it once. It was awful. I don’t know how you make it an enjoyable thing).

Workouts, yoga, running, walking… of course all these things are brilliant for us. Go do more of them, is the general consensus. Despite all the bad rep stress gets online, our bodies are designed to handle it. Exercise, cold exposure, and even intense work deadlines (sorry, I know) all put our bodies through stress, but that’s how we grow. Muscles tear and rebuild stronger. Mental focus sharpens.

But the key, as with most things in life, is balance.

It’s when stress becomes constant—when you’re always in fight-or-flight mode—that it starts to have a negative effect (remember: this affects every physiological aspect of your body). And it’s too easy to get stuck here. When we’re stuck, everything in life starts to present itself as stressful. You struggle to stay calm when someone steals your parking spot at the supermarket, you worry too much about tiny things, you snap easily…

This is when we get into trouble: we push ourselves hard, but then we don’t give our bodies the time to recover.

Think about this ‘perfect’ morning routine I’ve seen well-fluencers go a bundle on: wake up, coffee, ice bath, 5k run, a second coffee, bang—arrive at your desk with cortisol and adrenaline firing on all cylinders, wide-eyed and vibrating slightly. Is there any wonder we burn out?

Why your wearable is actually helping you

It’s really easy to outsource all of it to our wearables. To constantly check-in to see how we’re feeling, or to throw them in a drawer if they’re not aligning with how you feel.

But your wearable is not a judge, it’s a mirror.

Want to use an Oura Ring (or other wearable) without losing your mind? Read this.

It’s tempting to treat your ring or tracker like a pass/fail system. You get a low readiness score? Fail. High stress score? Panic. It becomes another thing to get right. But these tools were never meant to replace your instincts — they’re here to help you rebuild them.

The problem is, most of us have forgotten how to feel our bodies and we’ve been taught to live in our heads. We think about our bodies more than we feel them. We check apps to tell us how we slept. We track hydration, instead of noticing thirst. But your nervous system is speaking to you constantly — you just haven’t been taught how to listen.

Photo by Jaclyn Moy on Unsplash

So there’s a need for us to relearn this feeling thing. When are you truly thirsty (instead of using an app to tell you when you need a drink, learn to feel it)? When are you hungry? Tired? And the big one for the purposes of this word-waffle: when are you stressed vs relaxed?

That’s where a wearable can be helpful. When used with curiosity (not self-judgement), it can act as a translator, helping you name sensations and spot patterns. Over time, you start to connect the dots: ah, that’s what mental fatigue feels like. That’s what tension before a migraine feels like. That’s the combination of sugar + screen time that ruins my sleep.

You’re not supposed to feel perfect all the time. But you are supposed to be able to recognise when your body is signalling for rest. That’s nervous system fluency. And that’s what regulation — and eventually joy — is built on.

That’s the work I teach inside Joyful and Joy Unplugged; not just how to ‘calm down’, but how to build a relationship with your body you can actually trust.

For me right now, reading Frankenstein with a mug of hot tea in my little reading nook is one of my favourite ways to bring my body and nervous system back into restoration—it doesn’t always have to be a yoga nidra (although these are also wildly effective and life-changing).

Your device is telling you what your body is experiencing, even when your mind isn’t aware of it.

Rather than seeing your wearable as a ‘stress-shamer’, think of it as a tool that helps you become more aware of what’s going on beneath the surface. Maybe you’re feeling calm after a yoga class, but your body is actually stressed out. That doesn’t mean yoga is bad—it means your body needs rest after the physical strain.

It’s about using data to understand your limits, not to judge yourself. If your wearable says you’re stressed, it’s not calling you weak—it’s saying, “Hey, maybe you need to back off for a bit.”

Going back to my friend’s complaint—her Oura Ring saying her body was showing signs of potential illness—this is what we buy these tools for: not, “hey babe, here’s another thing to worry about, see yaaa”, but rather a gentle nudge from a friendly robot telling us that rest is required.

And rest, need I remind you, my hard-working friend, is more necessary than you think. If you want to make your business idea succeed, have a healthy relationship with people you love, digest your food in the best way possible, be a good parent / friend / colleague, and make the best ever dinosaur outfit for your dog, you need to see rest, boredom, downtime, and laziness as productive, vital, and healthy.

Stress is coming at you from all directions in our modern lives, and that’s okay. Just make sure to snuggle down with a good book when you can.

TLDR / What to do next

If you’re relying on your wearable too much without tapping into your body’s innate ability to sense and feel, you’re missing a huge opportunity to learn from it.

👉 Here’s how to use your wearable without losing your mind

And remember: the calmest and most joyful people know what rest feels like, and they do it often.

Now the question is:

What does today’s resting activity look like for you? (I’m off to read another chapter of Frankenstein—it’s getting SO GOOD!)

Drop a comment below, I LOVE hearing from you 👇

PS. If you like this stuff, you will love this theory workshop:

Watch: How to Instantly Reset Your Nervous System